Checking in with thoughts and other things

It's been awhile, a long while actually. I logged on to see that I had several drafts during COVID. A lot has changed since then and going back to read the drafts really had me thinking. So much of my life during this time was spent inside chasing one issue after another. Trying to survive the pandemic and find some normalcy in what my life has become. I know this is not unique to me and so many people were not as fortunate as I was to get through this unscathed. For that, I am so thankful. A little catching up is in order at least to those that dont keep in touch with me. 

I will begin catching you up on my insane move to NYC. Yea... We sold our house in California and decided that we would follow our dreams of living in the city that never sleeps. The drive here was ROUGH! We had both dogs in my little Honda Civic. We were fortunate enough that Alex's parents came with us because I think without them we would have had a more difficult time. We alternated having Molly drive with them so we could keep Lexi drugged up in the backseat. The only way for us to get her little ass to be in the back and not climb over the seat to sit on my lap was to give her something to take the edge off. The whole trip was insane, I got to see more of the US than I have ever seen just driving. Some places I think I would be fine to not see again like Joliet, IN and basically all of Nebraska. 

My mom and Jim met us all here and we unloaded our things. I dont care what anyone tells you, moving is traumatic. Packing your stuff up, lugging it along and unpacking is so draining that after our parents left we were just so exhausted. It took us time to get to know our area, the neighborhood. For a long time we didn't leave a 6 block radius because we simply did not know. Eventually I was desperate to find a Target, a real one not those city Targets either. Lucky for us, they put one on our island, close to us. We were finally getting back to a routine and moving around like normal people again. 

We have had some ups and downs here the first one being Molly got very sick. We thought she was having kidney issues, which she did, but we didn't know she had cancer. Alex was in CA working and I was here with the girls and she got very sick. Her normal pink eyes and gums turned really pale. I rushed her to our vet and thankfully he was able to clear his schedule. The tumor in her spleen (we didn't know about) ruptured and he had to remove it. He caught it in time thankfully and Alex was on the next plane home. He got back to us that evening and it was really touch and go for a bit. The vet bought us a couple more weeks with my girl and she died in my arms at home. I am so grateful Dottie was here to be with me because I dont know what I would have done by myself. 

Shortly after Molly died I got the news that my grandfather was sick. The man that raised me, the man that flew out to New York to give me away was dying. I wasn't sure how long I had so I got on a plane and flew to Arizona to be with him. Unfortunately, the night I got there he was admitted to the hospital. I didn't know that the last time I would have seen him alive was in a hospital bed. I said my goodbyes to him thinking that I was going to finish up some work when I got back and fly right back to AZ. I was about three weeks off from wrapping up a course before I could fly back and I got the news that he didn't make it. So instead of planning a trip back with Alex to go visit for one last time, we were planning a trip to lay him to rest. Both of these events were devastating to me then and hurt my heart the same as it had just happened.

My pops and I. Still my favorite photo of us. 

When they say that "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere" they really mean this place is lonely, if you let it be. This place is cold and hard and heartless. But there are some warm people here, you just have to know where to find them. There are people that care for you and treat you like a life long friend, you have to put yourself out there. The first year we were here I thought to myself, "SELF... two years, just give yourself grace for two more years and you can say you tried". At this time Alex was still flying back to CA to work because he was still networking trying to find clientele. It did get lonely and I cried a lot! I remember a time specifically that made me think this place was not for me when I was walking by a young couple with a dog and I smiled at them and said hello. They glared at me and said nothing. I was yearning for someone to talk to, someone to make me feel like a human again. I can tell you this day was not the day. 

Since this incident, it has not been as lonely as when we first moved here. Alex has not flown back to CA for work and he has built enough clientele here to stay here for good. Couple that with the wonderful things we have been doing, I can confidently say that this move to NY was really a gift. This gift provided opportunities that we would have never had back in CA. Not because they were not there, but because while we lived there, we were working on other people's dreams and not able to work on our own. I have been in grad school since August, so almost a whole year depending on when I decided to publish this. Alex has become a part owner in a comedy club in Astoria, which is wild! He is working with people that he has been dreaming of working with building and producing some amazing stuff. My focus now is to finish grad school and figure out how I can turn my dreams into reality. 

If I haven't mentioned, I am focusing on nonprofit management here at Columbia. Initially, I was thinking of staying in education because that is really all I have ever known, but I am curious to see how I can take Alex's skills and help shape it into something fulfilling for both of us. In my first couple classes we discussed fundraising and stewarding relationships with donors, volunteers and all stakeholders. I was really inspired to use video in this field to help inspire people and organizations to think bigger and increase their reach. Now there have been many WONDERFUL things I have learned during my time in school, but I feel like the place I am inspired to be is utilizing visual storytelling. Now, that may not be Alex's cup of tea, but he is so supportive of me and my dreams that he will give it a shot for me. I am working on how to help tell a story to stakeholders to bring them into the fold of an organization, how we can increase visibility and support using the things I know about the independent sector and Alex's eye for video, this could be something really great! 

There is much more to come from me as I have left out so many things happening in my life, but I have already opened so much as it is, I dont want to drain y'all. I will keep in touch and be back to share more things with everyone. Until then.... Stay well! 

LA