December 19
Today is the day! I am off for two weeks paid after today because of Christmas. What a great company I work for. Yay I am going to finish shopping and have some dinner with some girlfriends from school.
As my time for my GSV surgery comes closer I cant help but think of a new life that will be available to me. I have told only a few people including one coworker that I can say I trust completely. She is really supportive, but I cant help but think that I am still getting the doubtful feelings from the people that know. My grandmother knows, not sure if I mentioned that but she does. And since she is so excited for me to be skinny she was soooo excited. I am not sure if I should be grateful or offended, the first thing she asked me was "Will your mom be doing it too?"!!!!! Wow, although my mother needs to get serious too I cant for one second get one ounce of reassurance for my own shit. Its always been is your mom going to get serious about getting skinny blah blah. I know she means well but sometimes crap give me a break it hurts to think that I cant have my own battle and struggles without pulling my mother into them with me. She has her own struggles!!!!
With that being said my mother is going down with me to have her surgery the same day! We are going to go through this together! I am so excited that she is going to go through the surgery because we both need this in our lives. We are going to eat together and see the changes in each other! TEAM effort on both of our part, we can hold each other accountable. I think she is going to love this new person she becomes.
I have been researching people that have had this surgery and although a lot of them say they would never go back and would have had the surgery over and over again I still cant help but feel like I will still feel like a fat girl in a smaller casing. I will never see myself as being a skinny person, or view myself as being small enough to enjoy the way I look. I am scared that psychologically I will not like what I am going through. I know that I will struggle with sagging skin and hair loss, but am I really prepared? GOD I hope so because I need to change my life before I die. I need to make sure that I am not cutting my life short with the crap I feed myself.
Many people think this is the easy way out but I can guarantee you that it is not. I know the struggles people go through but I am willing to make those my struggles. I am nervous that the weight will come back on with a vengeance. I guess this is something I will have to work on for the rest of my life. I guess the question is do I want to battle being a fat person for the rest of my life or do I take action?
I watched Dr. Rod and Dr. Elmo perform the surgery on another patient and it makes me more excited then ever. I can not wait to see what my life will be like. The more I watch the more excited I get for the changes that are able to come! Til we talk again.... bye girl!!!!
As my time for my GSV surgery comes closer I cant help but think of a new life that will be available to me. I have told only a few people including one coworker that I can say I trust completely. She is really supportive, but I cant help but think that I am still getting the doubtful feelings from the people that know. My grandmother knows, not sure if I mentioned that but she does. And since she is so excited for me to be skinny she was soooo excited. I am not sure if I should be grateful or offended, the first thing she asked me was "Will your mom be doing it too?"!!!!! Wow, although my mother needs to get serious too I cant for one second get one ounce of reassurance for my own shit. Its always been is your mom going to get serious about getting skinny blah blah. I know she means well but sometimes crap give me a break it hurts to think that I cant have my own battle and struggles without pulling my mother into them with me. She has her own struggles!!!!
With that being said my mother is going down with me to have her surgery the same day! We are going to go through this together! I am so excited that she is going to go through the surgery because we both need this in our lives. We are going to eat together and see the changes in each other! TEAM effort on both of our part, we can hold each other accountable. I think she is going to love this new person she becomes.
I have been researching people that have had this surgery and although a lot of them say they would never go back and would have had the surgery over and over again I still cant help but feel like I will still feel like a fat girl in a smaller casing. I will never see myself as being a skinny person, or view myself as being small enough to enjoy the way I look. I am scared that psychologically I will not like what I am going through. I know that I will struggle with sagging skin and hair loss, but am I really prepared? GOD I hope so because I need to change my life before I die. I need to make sure that I am not cutting my life short with the crap I feed myself.
Many people think this is the easy way out but I can guarantee you that it is not. I know the struggles people go through but I am willing to make those my struggles. I am nervous that the weight will come back on with a vengeance. I guess this is something I will have to work on for the rest of my life. I guess the question is do I want to battle being a fat person for the rest of my life or do I take action?
I watched Dr. Rod and Dr. Elmo perform the surgery on another patient and it makes me more excited then ever. I can not wait to see what my life will be like. The more I watch the more excited I get for the changes that are able to come! Til we talk again.... bye girl!!!!
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