Perfection is the biggest lie we tell ourselves
Hello all! The whole point of this blog is to be straightforward, and really to get my thoughts out into the universe. I want to be as candid with people, but mostly myself. I have been MIA for a couple weeks. I''m here to explain myself, also I wanted to take some time to get back into the swing of things.
Well first a foremost I got engaged! Honestly, it was the greatest moment I have ever experienced. Let me tell you why though as if the engagement was not enough, I realized how much my life has changed since I started devoting time to loving myself. I began this journey a couple years ago, with every intention on I am going to lose this weight and all my problems will disappear. Well... we all know how that goes. There I was, 116 lbs smaller than my heaviest weight, and still feeling like I was that 260ish pound girl. I had always believed that if I lost all this weight, I would find someone that loves me, and have my happily ever after.
Honestly, I did it for the wrong reasons. I started this journey on the path that I thought was going to make me happy, and I found out that I was just as unhappy at 149 lbs as 260 lbs. I feel as if this journey not only helped me come to terms with my expectations of how someone should love me, but also how I should love others. Let me elaborate, I was watching my friends and peers get engaged, have children, and start their forever lives. I felt like because I was so unhappy, and unhealthy I would never reach this kind of happiness. I decided that it was my time to figure out what I needed to make myself happy. So I began my journey, and trust me when I say this was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. It is still the most difficult thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I would not change my path for anything. I started and never looked back.
However, there are somethings I would have done a bit differently. This all began when I decided to have VSG surgery. This decision was one of the most pivotal, life changing experiences I have ever done. Looking back at the decision, I was so surprised that I took that jump and went to Mexico. I will say it was one of the best experiences in a hospital setting I have ever had. The entire process was so amazing, I would do it all over again if I could.
As soon as I got back home, and was released to exercise again I hit that ground literally running. I ran daily, and did some sort of weighted exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY! I was in love with exercise, and addicted to watching my body change. Not only was the progress on how I looked so rewarding, but the way I felt really helped keep me motivated. I was on track to finally changing my body, and obtaining these goals I set for myself. Boy was I wrong....
I think for a lot of people, exercise and weight loss is so tedious because the results are not over night. A lot of people go to extremes because they are the type of people that want those immediate results. Society has plagued us with this thought that to be beautiful you need to have specific attributes. This whole mentality is garbage. It is silly to think that for any woman or man to feel beautiful, you have to have specific Kardashian attributes. I believe that perfection is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. We strive for our whole lives to obtain the perfect body or perfect hair, but ultimately, we will always be unhappy if we don't fix our minds.
What I have learned in this process, is that immediate results are amazing! Of course! But, now that I am in maintenance mode, I have found that I dont need to be a slave to the gym. I dont need to spend hours every day, to get the looks I so desperately wanted. Not only was I living in this very structured bubble, I was also hating life. I didn't hang out with friends, I decided to not listen to my body and in turn my body self destructed. I was getting hurt, and I was tired all the time, and most of all I was still seeing that same person in the mirror. I was not happy, and I was so upset that I put all this time and effort in, and I was still in the same boat I was in before I began.
What changed you ask... Well, I was losing my mind. I was having anxiety, and depression, regardless of what you saw on the outside. I was a master at putting on the smile to mask the disappointment I created within myself. I craved people's positive reinforcements, in fact, I was seeking them out daily. I set such high standards, and goals for myself that I forgot the reason I began this journey. I decided to step back and really take a look at the why. For me, the why has changed so dramatically from where I began to where I am now.
I changed in the following ways; I allowed myself to be human, instead of punishing myself for giving into cravings, I ate what I wanted in moderation. I no longer punish my body in the gym, I treat my morning workouts as an opportunity to grow. It is a celebration of what I can do, instead of what I cant. I set my mind on obtainable goals, not on something that I had to kill myself over getting. I have to constantly remind myself why I love the occasional long run. Not because I want to lose this weight, but because I really love the therapeutic sound of my sneakers hitting the asphalt, and the way my lungs contract when I breathe. More than the physical, exercise has transformed me mentally in such a huge way. It allows me to really stop to look at what my mind cant get rid of. I can dissect the things that are bothering me, and give myself an opportunity to have "me" time. I work through problems in my life by the way of physical activity. That is one thing that I lost in my journey to get slim. By allowing myself to dive into the therapeutic aspect of physical activity I am helping heal my crazy idea of being "perfect".
By allowing yourself to be human, you are allowing yourself to make mistakes and live a life not surrounded by guilt of eating something you shouldn't, or skipping a work out. You allow yourself to make the decisions based off your life and what your mind and body need at the time. One of the first things I did when I decided to get my mind right was to delete all these silly Instagram accounts dedicated to fitness. These men and women shame you into thinking that you should always strive to be perfect. Why on earth would anyone want that? Really though, it would make this whole world so boring if we all walked around here like VS angels. It would be so hard to see everyone's unique qualities. I dont want to take away form all the hard work, dedication and commitment these men and women have, but for me it is not realistic. For many people I know, it is not realistic for their lives either.
I commend these people that put in the work, and time to look ascetically pleasing. It truly is a wonderful thing to try to obtain. But you will always need to look at these people's lives with a true open heart and mind. For many of these men and women the "perfect" bodies are hard work. They take many hours int he gym, strict eating habits, and most times these people lose out on life experiences. It is so important for humans to have a balanced life. Balancing your healthy mindset, with occasional unhealthy experiences. Now I am not saying you need to "treat yo self" everyday, but dont be so hard on yourself when you decided to indulge on a cupcake. Flexible dieting and exercise will help you maintain your physical and emotional well being, while also allowing you to gain very important experiences.
My take away from this experience that I want to share with people is that it is ok to be dedicated to a fitness lifestyle. It is also ok to allow yourself the flexibility to enjoy life, including food and sleeping in if you want. What is not ok, is destroying your mind and body striving to be "PERFECT". Honestly, that will never bring you happiness. It will never full fill your heart, and soul. Allowing yourself to make mistakes and slip up, will ultimately be the way you reach optimum happiness and reach your goals. Until next time....
XO - Lyndsey
Well first a foremost I got engaged! Honestly, it was the greatest moment I have ever experienced. Let me tell you why though as if the engagement was not enough, I realized how much my life has changed since I started devoting time to loving myself. I began this journey a couple years ago, with every intention on I am going to lose this weight and all my problems will disappear. Well... we all know how that goes. There I was, 116 lbs smaller than my heaviest weight, and still feeling like I was that 260ish pound girl. I had always believed that if I lost all this weight, I would find someone that loves me, and have my happily ever after.
Honestly, I did it for the wrong reasons. I started this journey on the path that I thought was going to make me happy, and I found out that I was just as unhappy at 149 lbs as 260 lbs. I feel as if this journey not only helped me come to terms with my expectations of how someone should love me, but also how I should love others. Let me elaborate, I was watching my friends and peers get engaged, have children, and start their forever lives. I felt like because I was so unhappy, and unhealthy I would never reach this kind of happiness. I decided that it was my time to figure out what I needed to make myself happy. So I began my journey, and trust me when I say this was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. It is still the most difficult thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I would not change my path for anything. I started and never looked back.
However, there are somethings I would have done a bit differently. This all began when I decided to have VSG surgery. This decision was one of the most pivotal, life changing experiences I have ever done. Looking back at the decision, I was so surprised that I took that jump and went to Mexico. I will say it was one of the best experiences in a hospital setting I have ever had. The entire process was so amazing, I would do it all over again if I could.
As soon as I got back home, and was released to exercise again I hit that ground literally running. I ran daily, and did some sort of weighted exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY! I was in love with exercise, and addicted to watching my body change. Not only was the progress on how I looked so rewarding, but the way I felt really helped keep me motivated. I was on track to finally changing my body, and obtaining these goals I set for myself. Boy was I wrong....
 |
| Catch me eating pasta how about that? |
What I have learned in this process, is that immediate results are amazing! Of course! But, now that I am in maintenance mode, I have found that I dont need to be a slave to the gym. I dont need to spend hours every day, to get the looks I so desperately wanted. Not only was I living in this very structured bubble, I was also hating life. I didn't hang out with friends, I decided to not listen to my body and in turn my body self destructed. I was getting hurt, and I was tired all the time, and most of all I was still seeing that same person in the mirror. I was not happy, and I was so upset that I put all this time and effort in, and I was still in the same boat I was in before I began.
What changed you ask... Well, I was losing my mind. I was having anxiety, and depression, regardless of what you saw on the outside. I was a master at putting on the smile to mask the disappointment I created within myself. I craved people's positive reinforcements, in fact, I was seeking them out daily. I set such high standards, and goals for myself that I forgot the reason I began this journey. I decided to step back and really take a look at the why. For me, the why has changed so dramatically from where I began to where I am now.
I changed in the following ways; I allowed myself to be human, instead of punishing myself for giving into cravings, I ate what I wanted in moderation. I no longer punish my body in the gym, I treat my morning workouts as an opportunity to grow. It is a celebration of what I can do, instead of what I cant. I set my mind on obtainable goals, not on something that I had to kill myself over getting. I have to constantly remind myself why I love the occasional long run. Not because I want to lose this weight, but because I really love the therapeutic sound of my sneakers hitting the asphalt, and the way my lungs contract when I breathe. More than the physical, exercise has transformed me mentally in such a huge way. It allows me to really stop to look at what my mind cant get rid of. I can dissect the things that are bothering me, and give myself an opportunity to have "me" time. I work through problems in my life by the way of physical activity. That is one thing that I lost in my journey to get slim. By allowing myself to dive into the therapeutic aspect of physical activity I am helping heal my crazy idea of being "perfect".
 |
| Butterfly Exhibit at the Natural History Museum |
I commend these people that put in the work, and time to look ascetically pleasing. It truly is a wonderful thing to try to obtain. But you will always need to look at these people's lives with a true open heart and mind. For many of these men and women the "perfect" bodies are hard work. They take many hours int he gym, strict eating habits, and most times these people lose out on life experiences. It is so important for humans to have a balanced life. Balancing your healthy mindset, with occasional unhealthy experiences. Now I am not saying you need to "treat yo self" everyday, but dont be so hard on yourself when you decided to indulge on a cupcake. Flexible dieting and exercise will help you maintain your physical and emotional well being, while also allowing you to gain very important experiences.
My take away from this experience that I want to share with people is that it is ok to be dedicated to a fitness lifestyle. It is also ok to allow yourself the flexibility to enjoy life, including food and sleeping in if you want. What is not ok, is destroying your mind and body striving to be "PERFECT". Honestly, that will never bring you happiness. It will never full fill your heart, and soul. Allowing yourself to make mistakes and slip up, will ultimately be the way you reach optimum happiness and reach your goals. Until next time....
XO - Lyndsey
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