This...That... and the Other The Struggle With Depression and Anxiety

Hi friends it has been awhile since my last post. I have been busy, and really not motivated to share anything with anyone that has any sort of value. I have to be very open with myself and others, because it is the most therapeutic. Honesty is the best policy, and if you really think about that saying, it truly is. Lets face it, if you're not honest with yourself first, then who is to say that you will be honest with others? 

If I am to be completely honest with myself and those I love, it is time to come clean. Most of my close friends and family know that i have struggled with depression my whole life. After Sam died, I fell into a really low state with my controlled depression. So deep that I melted into an anxious mess, on top of the struggle with major depression. I never really associated the disorders with one another growing up, as I figured they were two completely different issues. Now obviously these two can be completely different in terms of how you react to them, and how they are treated. For the most part they are generally sister disorders. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), it is not uncommon for these two disorders to go hand in hand. Furthermore, nearly half of the people diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with anxiety. 

What brought this to my attention and why all of a sudden am I even discussing this? Well...... I recently switched over insurances from Blue Shield to Kaiser. A little back story so we can connect the dots, growing up I was covered under my moms medical insurance. She works for a government job therefor she got the best medical she could for a pretty great deal. We both had Kaiser as our insurance provider. For the most part, I really lived with Kaiser, meaning I was on the fence about it. You'll have to know people that have Kaiser really love it, or really hate it. It wasn't until after Sam died that I really started working with Kaiser, and developing my own opinion about it. 

Needless to say, I was not a fan. In my opinion the way they handled the mental health issue I was going through was sub par. In hindsight, I cant blame really anyone but myself. I was 19 at the time, and I was struggling with how to cope and handle suicide. The doctors were very nice, but really the only thing they want to do is pump you full of medications. Obviously at one point I really an so thankful for that because I did need it. I was coming to terms with death, and the realization that I at the time thought I was to blame. After really digging into this issue, I have learned that suicide is a very selfish act, and nobody is to blame but the person themselves. 

So after really dealing with this issue, fully medicated, I was back up and moving. Getting back to daily living and getting back into the swing of every day life. After I turned 23, I was forced to go out into the world of healthcare and find my own coverage! This was a daunting task as I had no idea what "out of pocket premiums: or "self referral co pays" were. I decided to make the switch into the market to venture into Blue Shield. This was a task in itself. I came from Kaiser where everything was so convenient and centrally located. Meaning I could see a doctor, get my blood work down and pick up prescriptions all in the same building. Whereas with Blue Shield I had to pick out a PCP (primary care physician), and then find an OBGYN versus a psych doctor. All while they resided in different buildings. It was all really overwhelming. For that period of time I had Blue Shield I really never went to see any of my doctors. So my reality was that I never took care of myself because I was so lost in the concept of not having it all right in the same place. I dont know if I was lazy, or just used to the convenience of Kaiser. So after seeing my PCP the last time, I decided that regardless of my past experience with Kaiser, I would be switching back. I felt the level of care more fit my needs better than the Blue Shield plan.   

Thus really setting me back with my mental health. I was terrified that I wasnt getting the proper care, on my part because I have a lack of how to navigate this healthcare world. the following scenario really solidified that decision with me, as I feel the care I needed at the time was more hand holding rather then self motivating. 

Late last year I went to the doctor having shown signs of sever anxiety and depression. I mean I could hardly get out of bed, I was so anxious that the world was going to fall on me. Just to explain this better, I felt as if every turn I would be fired, Alex would leave me, my dogs would die, I was gaining weight etc. I was thinking of the absolute worst case scenarios. I could not function at work, all I wanted to do was to sleep. I felt that if I slept, I would feel better. 

The PA I saw for this episode prescribed an anti depressant and anti anxiety medication. Me being the person I am, I quickly got on the internet and googled the side effects of the medication. After reading the side effects I decided this was a hard nope for me. Obviously looking back at the situation I was silly, because I risked my mental well being for such minimal side effects. But at the time, all I could think about was the "weight gain" I could possibly experience with this drug. The lack of emotional feelings and sex drive. I immediately called the PA that saw me, and explained that I could not take this drug, it would cause me to gain weight. She advised me to take the medication, and just try it. She mentioned that I was having a major depressive episode, and if I didn't take it I should consider hospitalization. I decided to throw it in the trash, and skip the treatment. 

I made a decision to find something that would help my mood without making me feel a false sense of  happiness. The medications negative side effects to me, out weighed the positive. I'd also like to think of myself as a pretty healthy woman. I like to medicate myself naturally, or at least without manufactured chemicals if I can. Thus leading me rabbit hole of self care, and how to maintain a level of cognitive function as I fluctuate through life. 

So in my vast research studying the things that will help me naturally treat my depression I have come to terms with balancing out the need for medical help. Obviously I am not a doctor, or even an expert in this field, but these little changes helped me level out my issues with anxiety and depression naturally. Now I have always felt that if you need medications and need to see a specialist about your mental health dont ever be ashamed. This topic is not the taboo thing you cant discuss anymore. Without further adieu I give you my tips and tricks that helped me naturally.

1. Plenty of sleep!!!

I have always felt this this is something so minimal, but has the best outcome. I would recommend 7 - 8 hours of sleep a night. Sleep is so important for the body our organs. Sleep allows us to heal and rebuild the nutrients we lose during the days activity. How I built more sleep into my life was simply addressing the time I allowed myself to go to bed. I set a time that I would start my wind down process. For me that time was 7:15, at this time I would start to wind down and get into bed. I set my alarms, stretched, brushed teeth, whatever it is you do as a ritual before bed this is the time to begin that process. 

2. Exercise not extra fries

Not to sound too preachy... but the better you eat the better you feel. The best way to help your body fight off toxic free radicals, and heal is by giving it the fuel it needs to do so. Dark leafy greens are always a good idea. Sure you can go buy bag after bag of spinach, kale whatever and end up throwing it out before you even use it. I wont lie, I do it. I hate to, but it happens sometimes. Honestly, the best thing you can do is prepare these items ahead of time so that way it is always ready. I like to saute my Spinach with a little bit of EVOO or Coconut oil and add a pinch of salt and pepper. the warmth really brings out the flavor. these veggies are so versatile you can use them in anything really. Scramble them with eggs, use them in pastas, salads, etc. The trick is to incorporate these leafy greens into your routine so your body absorbs the vitamins your body needs. They are rich in vitamins A, C, E, K and phytochemicals. A JAMA Psychiatry study that came out in March 2015 stating that sever depression has been linked to brain inflammation. Good thing these leafy greens pack a ton of anti inflammatory properties that help reduce the pressure. 

3. Water 

A little know fact about water and your body... our bodies are made up of 70 percent water. We are essentially cucumbers with anxiety. Not only is important to help flush toxins out of the blood, muscles and skin, but it helps with a slue of other ailments that can lead us to being depressed. I have always had a hard time with water, growing up I always had some sort of juice or soda in my hands. After I quit drinking soda, I just quit drinking things all together. I have to talk myself into drinking water sometimes. Im so bad that I dont even really drink it when I workout. Im ashamed. However, I made a little bet with myself to drink more water every day, and currently I think it is going pretty well. I have learned that your body tells you things based on what it needs. For example, if you have a headache, or your hungry after you literally just ate. Well chances are you need to drink some water. Your body goes into fight mode when you are dehydrated, leaving you with little to be desired for the healthfulness of your body. The first think you would learn in any college level nutrition class is that your body needs water to survive. You need to drink the water to help the cells regenerate, your skin to look bright, and regularity in the bathroom. Basic functional body needs that will instantly help you feel better.  

4. Meditation/Working out 

Most people dont combine these two, however, I think they are both equally important and they both "work your mind". Meditation can be as simple as sitting in a room closing your eyes and reflecting on the things you love or are grateful for. Or you can take my approach and practice yoga. Im not a YOGI per say, but I love to practice even if it is 20 minutes a day just by myself. Nothing can beat the quiet room, stretching and really allowing you body to move. Working out allows us to release the same endorphins that put us in good moods. Honestly, combining the two is one of the most beneficial things you can do for you body. Lets say in a perfect world of course, that you have the time to work out every day. Monday, Wednesday, Friday you lift weights in a gym or at home, you allow yourself just 30 minutes a day to really work up a good sweat. I am talking a work out that makes you feel sore. You allow your body to rest Tuesday and Thursday then Saturday you practice yoga in a studio and Sunday you get outside to walk. Ideally it would be nice to workout every day. However, studies have shown that if you break up your workouts and allow your body time to heal it will respond better to stress, and other strenuous activities. I want to point out the flight or fight switch that goes off when you get anxious. I can say from my experience that working out consistently has helped me adapt to this stress. It has helped me really release some pressure that has built up in my muscles and mind. I would caution you to make sure you really listen to your body though, really hear what it is trying to tell you. If you need to rest, then do it. Your body ultimately is the indicator for what it needs. 

 5. Journal or Blog     

A really great thing I have found to help me cope with the anxiety and depression is what you're reading now. Blogging has helped me get my words out. I has helped me get thoughts onto "paper" and let me really practice self love. This process has truly helped me learn hoe to deal with the stress of everyday life, even if nobody talks to me my mind knows its happened. Essentially I feel as if I purge my brain of the bad things clogging up the great things that should be in there. I get the words out, and forget them. My therapist suggested this as a practical outlet to help me build resiliency and I believe it has helped me 10 fold. You dot have to be a good writer, you just have to write.

6. Therapy 

In my journey for self care and self love I have found many cheerleaders they really help me get through trauma and stress. Alex has been such a tremendous help at keeping me grounded and I feel as if I will never be able to repay him for the love and support he has shown me. It is important to have family and friends that are willing to fight for you in your darkest hour, and allowing you to cry to them. The most important thing for me was the ability to talk about the things that troubled me, he never mentioned a word. He allowed me to speak what was on my mind and in my heart. That shows what an amazing support and loving human he is. My mother was truly one of my biggest supporters after I went through the trauma of losing someone I cared for. She gracefully cared for me in my not so graceful times. I think it is so so so important that you surround yourself with people that are here to help you grow. If you surround yourself by support, you really learn to understand the meaning of family. One thing that I will always advocate for it the use of therapy. I have been in and out of therapists offices my entire life. I feel as if the perspective of an outsider can really help you understand your own problems. Therapists cannot prescribe medications, they can only give you the tools to help control the urges, and unforeseen emotions. You may not find the right one right away, it took me a good year before I found someone that I connected with. After that, the rest is history. I see him twice a month, sometimes a little less. I feel as if my mental well being has 100 percent improved. Just by telling a stranger, that turned into a friend, my fears, and worries. He has helped me find way to cope with life stress and given me profound answer to some of my most troubling questions. 

Honestly, after really sitting down and writing this I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. Its long, but its real and its me. I am proud of my journey even if there were times that I was not myself. I have always felt that this journey was unique to me, and helped me shape my life. I have been a huge believer in things happening to people for a reason. I think we are given struggles to help us grow and find out how we can help the world. I believe we are all here to interact, and share our experiences. We can help each other grow and get involved in bettering our fellow man. 

Thank you for reading, until next time! 

Cheers 

Lyndsey